I don’t know how my life is now if I did’nt accept God in my life. I grew up in a Christian family, so I wasvsurrounded by the Church from the beginning. My mom is a Christian and my dad is a “panglakayen” in church. My struggle being raised in a Christian family is that all eyes are always watching me. If I have ever made just a little mistake, I felt like I've killed someone if they judged me. So, I need to be cautious in everything I do and every word I speak.

As I continue my journey with God, my life is always been easy as if nothing hardships/bad days/struggles/problems will come until the day I found out, February 2015, that my Dad was diagnosed with kidney failure and the doctor told us that he will only live a maximum of 3 years even if he will undergo dialysis. And for the first time, I questioned His love for us. But then I realized that I shouldn’t have questioned God, because my Dad didn’t question Him. Instead, he showed me, taught me rather that in every struggle that we face, claim His promises and give praises to Him, established a deeper and stronger relationship with Him.

September 2017, I was devastated because of my father’s death. I thought I am strong but I am wrong, and that was the start of my spiritual battle. I forgot that I have family, the Church, to lean on during hard times. I don’t know if the Church have noticed that I have silent battles because of my change in behavior. I am just following/doing “Christian things” because that is what I suppose to do. I always attend Sunday service and just let them use me during the service, but after that I’ll go home as if nothing happened. I hardly pray because I don’t know what to say and I also stopped my devotion. I doubt what God is capable of. I let depression eat me. Until one night as I am browsing, these verses hit me hard, Jeremiah 33:3 “Call unto me and I will answer you and I will show you great things that you do not know”; Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”; Romans 8:18 “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us”; Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” and Psalms 34:17-18 “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” then I just found myself crying hardly and started praying to God. I let Him enter again in my life. God gave me the courage to tell my battles to one of the young people in our church and I am very grateful because I know that God used her to encourage and help me to rebuild my relationship with Him again. It is a step by step process for me to rebuild my broken relationship with God.

Ever since I asked God to take control of my life again, my eyes have been opened and I recognize His presence everywhere. Everyday, God gives me the courage to turn away from my sin. I am not perfect, but I am now become better and different person. And I thank God for giving me my church family who cares and always pray for their members.

All Glory Belongs to God